So far it feels relaxing to work here at edu*** as a teacher. I only had 2 classes. One as a tutor to a (most probably) 5 year old little girl named princess and 5 kids about same age or few more years added.

I teach english online -- using webcam and mic to koreans. Its quite tough to connect with them especially if they absolutely dont know what youre talking about.

But so far, i enjoy what imdoing. I hope the kids like me. I certainly like them -- so far... hahaha they're listening and they participate somewhat and i appreciate that. I just hope they understand something from me.

I have 7 hours of free time for my 1st day at work.. it seems i would have the same for this day, but i heard from a co worker that things might change right after 3 days. I might have endless class like him sooner or later.

Well, that's going to be challenging.. because ive been really preparing about my lessons for the kids.

Good luck to me ;)

Its been a long time already.. it seems I have lost track of all the tragedies that had happened in my life. Never have I imagined i would experience a near death experience -- or scared to death experience rather..

And to top it with stupidity.. being the 3rd party in a relationship.

Its been a while... and now, im summing up all the things ive done, i guess ive really had a rough road.. a terrible one. Until now, im still stuck with my stupidity because im in love with a boy 6 years younger than me. Worse, havent finished his highschool yet. He's poor, he stopped studying, he's miles far away from me... he's a promdi-- a provincial boy.

Its a challenge for me to introduce him to my family or friends because they do not expect that of me.

Ive also recently resigned from my job, which i do not really regret. Except for the fact that I have a training bond that I need to pay with the company.

Now Im hired again -- as a teacher for koreans. Only its done online with a webcam and mic.

Ive been offered 2 jobs before that, and ive missed the opportunity to work in sm as a secretary because the korean job came in first. *sigh* I wish I had a better career.

I want to break the stupidity and just move on. I want to break up with my boyfriend.. Right now, were on a fight and I just want to move on. Get a real love where I can have a boyfriend who i can be with.

2 beers for tonight, I hope this'll all be well. My first day on my job also tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Im getting sick and really really tired.. of crying.. of being broken hearted. Ilang beses na kitang iniyakan JR, pakiramdam ko wala nang luhang lalabas saken sa twing nasasaktan ako. Sa twing nakikita ko si shni sa fb mo nasasaktan ako hindi na ko nagugulat na nandoon sha. Inaasahan ko naman na di mo naman talaga sha kayang alisin.. alam ko naman na mahal mo sha kahit na pinipilit ko sa sarili ko na ako lang ang mahal mo. Pero ang totoo natatakot ako na tingnan ang FB mo at makitang naroon sha ulit.

Mahal talaga kita, d mo ba talaga maintindihan yon? Di mo man lang talaga mapapahalagahan yung nararamdaman ko? lagi na lang ba akong iiyak para lang malaman mo kung gano kita ka mahal? hanggang kelan mo ko sasaktan? Kailangan ba talaga nahihirapan ako? kailangan ba talaga patunayan ko sarili ko? Ginagawa ko naman lahat ng kaya ko pero nasasaktan pa rin ako sa huli. Bakit hindi mo sha maiwan? bakit??

Hindi ako nasasaktan dahil sa mahal ka nya, nasasaktan ako kasi di mo mapatunayan saken na ako lang ang mahalaga sayo. Napapagod na ko na sha na lang parati ang pinag aawayan naten.. pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman kailangan mainsecure sa kanya.. naiinggit lang ako dahil mas malakas pa sha kesa saken pagdating sayo. E ako nga itong girlfriend mo di ba? Girlfriend na peke.

Sabi ko na nga ba, dapat hindi ako maging mashadong masaya.. kaninang umaga habang nag tatrabaho ako, naghahanap na ko ng ticket pa punta dyan...

alam ko, na hindi mo ko kayang mahalin ng buong buo. OO kasi nag kulang ako, OO kasi wala ako dyan.

Hindi ko na kaya na masaktan, pero hindi din kita kaya iwan... Pero siguro mas masakit kapag nananatili ako sayo.

Twing pinagkakatiwalaan kita, nalalaman ko na lang sa huli na niloloko mo pala ako.

Nalulungkot ako.. na sa kabila na pagiging loyal ko sayo, at sa pagpapahalaga ko sayo, kahit malayo ka.. ito pa ang mararanasan ko. HIndi ko alam kung bakit mahal na mahal kita. Pero yun ang totoo e.

Naaawa ako sa sarili ko. Ang tanga tanga ko. Ultimo ibigay ko lahat ng kaya kong ibigay. Paano, ikaw lang naman kasi nag papasaya saken e.. Pero bakit ba sayo lang ako nag hahanap ng kaligayahan kung meron namang ibang tao na kayang gawin rin yun?

Kakayanin ko, hanggang makita kita... kakayanin ko hanggang makita ko yung taong nagpaiyak at nagpasaya saken..

At pagkatapos non, kakalimutan ko na ang lahat. Gusto ko lang malaman mo, makita mo at maramdaman mo na minahal talaga kita.

Maswerte ka sa kanya. Maswerte ka kay Shani.

-----------------------------------------

Makikipagbalikan na lang ako sa kaibigan kong alak...

12:19 already in the morning of Sunday. Its officially November 22.

I want to share some thoughts on Kris. Kris is apparently a tomboy who's my co worker. I thought he was a boy at first; I first saw him during the thesis interdeparment competition during my college days and he was the representative of radiologic department, and I was the representative of the arts and sciences department.

When i first saw him, i thought he was a boy and it confused me, because I can tell by his voice that it tells otherwise.

Then I got hired and saw his familiar face. Its been 3 weeks already since i got hired from my new call center job. I like it so far... Then news went on fire, that Kris liked me. I thought it was unbelievable, because:

1.) I wasn't being kikay anymore... wasnt wearing make up or not dressing up. In short-im pretty much ordinary and ugly looking now. I dont comb my hair, nor put make up. I just let myself be.

2.) He knows i have a bf altho he is in iloilo.

Then, yesterday. He surprised me. He gave me a bouquet of pink roses. I wasnt really expecting that since we rarely talk and we hardly knew each other. I was really surprised that someone would go that far-spending for a person they hardly know.

And I was contemplating about the incident. I didnt really want a tomboy boyfriend. Because

1.) im sure i will not have a healthy sex life on that part. (although, am not saying that i do have that now)

2.) im taken and super in love with my bf altho he's far away.

3.) am not really comfortable on the idea that a woman is courting me.

I am not sure how or what to feel... But we did end up with a conversation.

I decided that I should talk this over with her and make it clear. Because

1.) I dont want to see myself getting in love with the wrong gender. If ever.

2.) I dont want her to think that I am accepting her courting..

3.) I dont want the idea to last, because the more itll last, the more itll hurt.

I felt awkward walking to her and telling her that I needed to talk to her. Because again, we rarely talk because of this issue, we were shy towards each other.

Then 10 minute conversation at a nearby building between me and her.

She said she was already crushing on me since I was at college and she was already eyeing on me, and she was wanting for a long time to give me flowers.

She said I was cute.. and surprisingly she knows some things about me and I dont know where she got those information... like my favorite color.

See, 2 days ago she asked me if we can go out, I shyly said yes because of peer pressure from my co workers, altho i was confused if it was proper..

and yesterday she sent me a note saying she wants to escort me home.

I clarified to her that I dont want to hurt anyone knowing that she has a gf already, and I have also on my own. And I have already had the same experience already and I dont want it to happen again. I just wanted to be friends, no more and no less.